Awkward

It may be some sort of sign that I should try not to pick up so many of the same 'type' of older man. How awkward is it, sitting in a restaurant with much adored older lover, when an ex-older lover with a new woman (closer to his own age) sidles up to your table to greet you with such familiarity and intimacy that no one in the vicinity of your table, let alone your lover, can doubt what kind of history you had? Maybe I should try artistic types that never have any money to go anywhere and just stay in their studios and apartments all day, having sex, knocking up a quick meal, having more sex, then making some art. Like teachers, only they spend all their time doing marking and reading awful essays. Or maybe we should stop going out to nice places. I'm going to get some kind of ridiculous reputation. Richard has asked about my dating history. I admit that majority if not all (save some interesting failed experiments) men I've ever slept with have been much older than me. He only sort of 'hm'-ed and didn't say much more. Oops?

Any minute now he will tell me I'm some sort of liability to his reputation and I will be dropped.

Especially after that fight at his pub. God. Embarrassing.

I bring adolescent drama into his wonderfully mature, adult life. And that's not a good thing.

Perhaps I should be grateful that I have not been punished and have not been deprived of sex.

It would be a terrible waste of cute new lingerie.